Autism Potty Training: Why a "Big Picture" Approach Changed Everything for Us

If you’re reading this while staring at a mountain of diapers and wondering if your child with autism will ever make the switch to the toilet, take a deep breath. I’ve been there.

Potty training is one of those milestones parents usually approach with a mix of excitement and a little bit of dread. But for those of us in the autism community, that "dread" can feel a lot heavier. On the spectrum, we aren't just teaching a new skill; we’re asking our kids to navigate sensory landmines, break years of deeply ingrained routines, and overcome communication hurdles all at once.

My son with autism didn’t fully master potty training until he was about five and a half. It was a long, exhausting road, and there were moments when I wondered if we were doing something wrong. What this journey taught me, though, was something important: potty training couldn’t be treated like a box to check. We had to understand his whole world first.

Why It’s Actually Hard (It’s Not Just "Stubbornness")

Before we talk about what worked, let’s be real about why our kiddos struggle. Understanding the "why" helped me trade my frustration for patience.

• The Diaper Safety Net: For years, a diaper has been their constant. Asking them to let go of that is a massive disruption to their internal "operating system."

  
  

• Sensory Weirdness: Think about it... sitting over a cold, hollow ceramic bowl with a loud, aggressive flush nearby? To a child with sensory sensitivities, that can feel genuinely scary.

  
  

• The Digestion Connection: Many of our kids have very specific "safe foods" that aren't exactly high in fiber. Add in a reluctance to drink enough water, and you get constipation. If it hurts to go, they aren't going to want to do it on a scary toilet.

  
  

Once we accepted that everything—sensory, physical, and emotional—was connected, we stopped treating potty training as a single task and started addressing all the factors around it. That shift made all the difference.

Autism Potty Training: Tips and Tricks

1. Building the Habit (Without the Pressure)

Our therapist gave us a great piece of advice: don't wait for him to "feel the urge." By then, it’s often too late. We had to build the habit first. We started a "toilet routine" that happened no matter what:

• Right when he woke up.

• After every single meal.

• Just before bed.

  
  

We also aimed for a quick visit every two hours or so. The win wasn't necessarily "doing something" in the potty; the win was just him sitting there for a few seconds without a meltdown. We were just getting him used to the idea. If the big toilet is too much, there is zero shame in staying with a floor potty for as long as you need.

2. The "Squatting" Secret

I eventually learned that the position our body is in can actually make a physical difference when it comes to digestion and going to the bathroom. Research suggests that squatting changes the way the rectum and pelvis align, which can help stool move more easily and reduce straining compared with sitting on a standard toilet seat. In studies where people squatted, they reported shorter defecation time and less effort than when sitting, likely because the anorectal angle becomes more direct and requires less pressure to empty the bowels.

Instead of making it feel like a chore, we leaned into what he loved. He’s obsessed with playing in the dirt in our garden, so we encouraged him to dig and explore while in a deep squat. He was physically prepping his body for easier bathroom trips, and he just thought he was being a kid in the mud.

3. The "Hotel Reset"

This one caught us completely by surprise. We noticed that whenever we stayed in a hotel, his interest in the bathroom spiked. I think the "fancy," well-lit, and super-clean environment made the bathroom feel less like a clinical "work zone" and more like an adventure. If you’re feeling stuck at home, a change of scenery... even just a night away—might be the "reset" your child needs to see the toilet in a new light.

4. Helping the Body Out

When a child is constipated, it’s easy for the toilet to become associated with discomfort or pain. Once that happens, resistance makes complete sense. For us, easing constipation became an important part of supporting potty training.

We experimented with small, gentle changes, including adding Extra Virgin Coconut Oil (EVCO) to his diet. A spoonful a day for about a week seemed to help make bowel movements more comfortable, which reduced a lot of the anxiety around using the potty.

We were also mindful to limit sugary foods especially soft drinks, since these can make constipation worse for some kids.

And yes—the picky eater struggle is very real. When vegetables were a hard no, we leaned on what I like to call “stealth health”. For example, stirring chia seeds into rice or tucking them into a sandwich. You may also lean on whatever high-water-content foods (like watermelon or grapes) they may enjoy.

To the Parent in the Thick of It

If you’re currently struggling with a five or six-year-old who still needs diapers, please hear me: You are not failing. Your child isn't being "difficult." They are just processing a very loud, very sensory world in their own way.

By looking at the big picture—their diet, how they move, and how they feel—you aren't just potty training. You’re helping them feel comfortable in their own skin. Hang in there. You’ve got this.

Have you found a "weird" or wonderful trick that helped your child? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!